Where I was, Where we are, Where we go from here.

Almost 8 years ago, Matt and I were recovering.  We had lost 2 babies to miscarriage.  Actually, in my before picture, I was still pregnant with the second.  My weight was problematic before we started trying to get pregnant, and I just continued to gain weight through the miscarriages.  Through the process, I had started a blog, and decided to dedicate it to weight loss accountability.  The first post I wrote about weight loss shared my before picture, and I continued to post weekly updates about my journey.  Here is that picture: 

Through that year, I was overwhelmed with support and encouragement.  Sadly, I started this journey very unhappy with who I was and very intimidated by eating well and exercise.  While I was able to gain confidence throughout the process, I wish I had loved myself more.  What a different year it could have been if I had appreciated my body's abilities from the beginning.  As I gained weight with pregnancies in the years to come, I tied my value and worth to my pants size or a number on the scale.  However, something amazing happened after Megan and Damon, while very incremental. While I wasn't "happy" with my body, I started appreciating the wonder of a body that was able to grow life.  My body didn't "bounce back" immediately.  My arms weren't perfectly toned, but I was able to see the strength in them as I carried my children.  I was able to feel the strength in my legs from climbing steps with laundry baskets.  I was able to appreciate my stomach (while not tight and flat) that carried these amazing little humans.  

As I started working to lose weight again last year, I struggled.  For the first time in my life, I was dealing with overwhelming anxiety.  The next 10 months brought a job search, packing a house, moving to Grandma's, dealing with storage, Matt's field training (which was insane), selling a house, buying a house, and moving again.  All with 3 little people to keep alive.  I pushed myself to train for a half marathon through all that, which I truly believe was freaking amazing.  No, I didn't finish it with a personal record.  No, I didn't go as fast as I would have liked to, but I finished.  I didn't lose weight through the process.  In fact, I gained.  

So why tell you all this?  

I recently wrote on my personal blog about reaching my Lifetime weight at Weight Watchers.  A good friend wrote me about something that had bothered her, and I felt horrible.  In my blog, I mentioned my new workout schedule including heaving lifting and "not just dumbbells".  She is able to get workouts done at home, and dumbbells is what she has. And WHAT is wrong with that?  Absolutely nothing.  In fact, it's awesome that she has the discipline to continue with her fitness at home, but that comment was discouraging to her.  When I run and I post about how "slow" I'm going, who am I discouraging?  What if I had seen that last year when I was training?  How would I have felt?  My fitness level is different than yours.  You may have just finished your 20th Boston Marathon (I know someone who did!), and you may not ever want to run a 5K in your life.  You may workout at the gym with barbells, or you may do awesome videos in your basement.  You may be a bodybuilder.

No matter what, our bodies are incredible.  Yours and mine.  Right now.  Right where they are.  I'm not suggesting you continue to eat in an unhealthy way or ignore a fitness routine.  I'm saying let's truly appreciate our bodies on the journey.  And this is where I'd like to go from here...

This is a new blog I'm starting today.  I'm hoping to use this blog as a place to share healthy ideas, encouragement, and empowerment.  I'm hoping you'll join me on a journey toward self-care, love, and health.  With the help of an Inspiration Consultant (who, for now, will remain my nameless source of inspiration 😉), the vision I have for Seeking Starfish is to invite some amazing guest writers to this blog to share their health journeys.  

Seeking Starfish.  Another personal tie.  4 years ago, I made a permanent decision dedicated to starfish and what they represent to me.  My true hope is this blog could be another way to reach and help someone.  

While walking along a beach, an elderly gentleman saw someone in the distance leaning down, picking something up and throwing it into the ocean.

As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, picking up starfish one by one and tossing each one gently back into the water.

He came closer still and called out, "Good morning!  May I ask what it is that you are doing?"

The young man paused, looked up, and replied, "Throwing starfish into the ocean."

The old man smiled and said, "I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?"

To this the young man replied, "The sun is up and the tide is going out.  If I don't throw them in, they'll die."

Upon hearing this, the elderly observer commented, "But young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish alone every mile?  You can't possibly make a difference!"

The young man listened politely.  Then he bent down, picked up another starfish, threw it back into the ocean past the breaking waves and said, "I made a difference for that one."